Beauty on the TV screen
by Trance-Faith
Summary: Callie is alone one night and can't sleep, with only the TV for company.  set post 7x07 – just before 7x09  kinder


**Title:** Beauty on the TV screen

**Author**: Trance-Faith

**Rating:** T – just to be safe!

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Lou Bega's "Beauty on the TV Screen".

**Author's Note 1: **In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set post 7x07 – just before 7x09 (kinder).

**Author's Note 2:** I blame y0ungalaska for this being written, she encouraged me.

. - all other fanfics I've written

**Beta:** No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

**Reviews:** Are much wanted please!

"_Please could you jump out that damn TV, and put those little arms all around me"_ - Beauty on The TV Screen by Lou Bega

It was a male voice she heard first as a montage of clips showing her friends and place of work. The disembodied voice was trying in a slightly cheesy manner to be dramatic and impressive as he described what Callie and all of the staff that had experienced it would depict as one of the worse days of their life. The shooting. While the clips were people and places she recognised it was only one image that drew her attention at first and it was a blonde woman running through the halls, using her momentum and the nearest wall to propel her into a room. Seconds later she heard her voice, and Callie's heart soared.

The brunette was sat crossed legged on Mark Sloan's couch, with a duvet tucked beneath her chin. Two nights ago the documentary on the hospital shooting had been shown on TV, and while most people had been excited over watching it, she had not. She had heard that some people who were on call had hijacked some of the patients' TVs just to watch it – not that the patients minded, after all they were being looked after by "celebrities". Callie had flirted with the idea of watching it, but after a long and extensive internal battle, she decided she would tape the show. That way she could watch it when she was ready, and when she was alone. As far as she was aware Mark did not know she had taped it which was why she was watching it at 5am with the volume on low, while he slept. Mark had watched it at the hospital using his charm to get a middle age woman to let him borrow her TV for the hour.

Arizona was talking about the importance of running to a 911 page, and there was that clip again of the blonde running, with her hair tied in a low ponytail. As the voice she thought she might never hear again washed over, she closed her eyes taking in every word. It wouldn't have mattered to Callie what the older woman was saying, she could have been reading the phone book for all she cared, she was just thankful she could hear that voice again.

When she heard Alex's voice, the brunette opened her eyes and could see the two of them working on a young girl. Despite the fact she could see the subtitles to what was being said, she just looked, and watched the blonde work. Watched the way she moved, the way her lips moved as she spoke, wishing not for the first time in recent weeks that she could have at least one more kiss from those soft lips. A chance at saying the goodbye she had been robbed of. She wished she could be happy for the children in Africa that Arizona was helping – actually properly right now as it was about 1pm there. She wished she didn't feel guilty at wanting her back with her, when people like Lily who the TV Arizona was now trying to reassure, needed her. Callie needed her, and camera man who kept zooming in on Arizona face as she explained the little girl's illness didn't help the watching woman. Arizona's face filled the screen. Arizona was less than half a room length away from her, and yet was oceans away.

Callie's head tilted to the side as wiped the stray tears had had fallen, away with her sleeve. As the documentary continued on she soon realised she wasn't paying any attention to anyone else, not even the bits where Callie herself was in, talking about and performing a class act, world renounce surgery. Though she would admit, she looked pretty good, and she did roll her eyes at the men's talk of being titans. However, all she cared about was the blonde, angelic faced woman who had filled her seldom dreams, the one who had a voice as sweet as honey. This was not the first night since that day at the airport that Callie had been up until the early hours unable to sleep. She usually took the night shifts to help mask this, but had decided whether it was the right thing or not, that tonight was going to be the night she watched the documentary, and she would watch it start to finish without pausing it, no matter what she saw.

A knocking from the TV made her refocus and saw Arizona peeking through the crack in the door, and knew what was coming. The older surgeon had told her what happened, and was slightly annoyed by Chief Webber. The blonde had gotten the letter informing her of the grant; it seemed however Richard had already been told about it, unofficially. The first thing Arizona was going to do, which was the responsible thing, was to go to the Chief himself, however he had paged her first. This however meant that Webber announced it to the camera man before Callie had been told, before Arizona had made a decision. Actually no, the Latina was not that naive to think that she hadn't made her choice, because she knew the second Arizona had opened that letter, the blonde had known she would accept. The Chief's words "Doctor Robbins here has been awarded the prestigious Carter-Madison Grant" travelled to her ears through a fog of confusion and emotions. Callie's breathe came out haggard and deep as she heard the conversation with Teddy, she had seen from inches away. By this point she had known, she had known that the love of her life was going to Africa.

"Yeah I haven't told that many people yet" Arizona's voice sounded without showing her face speaking the words. Should she be happy that she was one of the people who had been told? That she had been told she had won the grant and was moving to Africa. It wasn't a question, when the words had fallen from the blonde's mouth; it had not been a question, but a statement. She was going to Africa. Why was she so surprised that she had been left behind? She was a hindrance to that plan, the plan to go; nothing it seemed was going to stop Arizona Robbins from going to Africa. Not even the claimed love of her life.

Teddy's voice sounded, and then all three women came into view, "A Carter-Madison Grant! Nobody get those, I mean nobody normal. Just the brainy scientist types who are from Germany and Sweden. OH MY GOD YOU WON!" Teddy ended almost half shouting at Arizona who must have been a foot away from her if she was inch. Both blonde's were smiling whole smiles, as Teddy's arms were being thrown around in the excitement of her best friend winning such a grant. Teddy continued in an equally animated tone, "Are you kidding?" Despite being unable to take her eyes off two excited blondes, Callie also couldn't stop looking at herself. The television version of herself was sipping on her coffee, with what looked like anger, annoyance and defiance in her eyes. She had genuinely thought she had hid her emotions better; she had tried to seem happy for Arizona. This idealistic view of herself was shattered by the tone in which her TV twin spoke, "No, she isn't kidding". This was followed by the two blonde's hugging, while brunette had stood and looked annoyed drinking her coffee. Callie had been so proud of Arizona; she really had, and still was. Despite everything, she knew the blonde was doing good, what she had always wanted. Callie had never told her she was proud. She had congratulated her, argued with her over it, but she never said she was proud.

A disembodied version of Arizona voice spoke again; before her face came into shot she looked so happy and so energized. "No, I didn't apply for the grant because of the shooting. There are major gaps in the care of children in developing countries. Global health innitives exist for things like malaria, infectious diseases, immunizations, but not for pedatric surgery. With this grant, I could start to change that. Well, I applied for this thing two years ago." Callie had been unaware of this interview taking place; she knew Arizona had spoken to the camera crew, so assumed this must have been what was said. She had never been mad at the blonde for applying for the grant, it had been two years ago, and so many things had changed since then. She was slightly surprised when the Arizona on her screen seemed to voice her own thought, "I was a completely different person, you know, I was new here. A surgical fellow, single.." Then there was a shot of the two of them hand in hand walking up to the hospital doors, sharing a small kiss before they let go of each other. She hadn't known the camera was there then, it had been filmed on the morning of the grant's announcement, before it all went wrong. They looked happy, perfectly happy.

The blonde on the TV kept talking as Callie was left with her thoughts, "But now I have people here, important people. It complicates things. But... this is bigger than me, this is an opportunity of a lifetime, so yeah, of course I'm accepting the grant. That just means I'm moving to Africa." The woman sat on the couch felt the ton of brick fall on her, at the impact of these words. She hadn't known that Arizona had officially announced her moving, on what was now national television. Callie fought for her ability to breathe, to remain breathing, and the sensation that she was going to vomit any second.

She was barely aware of anything that followed those words. She was fighting the attack of hyperventilation that threatening to overpower her. It was odd being what she was aware of, which was herself and Lexie freaking out over the tattoo "Nicole" on the donor's arm. She remembered feeling so anxious that day, when she knew she had to tell the family about the tattoo. Those nerves, that sickness she felt, were nothing in hindsight.

Though what got her full attention was Arizona's voice, it sounded angry. Looking up she saw Alex Karev, and Arizona herself through the glass panel on the door and knew what she would hear next. "At least you could be happy for me", Arizona's voice had sounded hurt rather than mad. She hadn't noticed that when they had the argument. She had just been so damn frustrated, annoyed and powerless. Which is why she had yelled back, "I thought we _were_ happy." Grabbing the remote control she turned the volume down slightly, begging with the universe and God that Mark hadn't heard it. No noise from Mark's room was heard; however she missed what was said between herself and Alex, only seeing herself storming from the room.

The voice that spoke after the cut screen sounded so foreign from her ears, she wouldn't have believed it came from her own mouth, had her face not come on the screen moments later. "Well, it's her decision, obviously. It's an incredible opportunity. You don't just uh... turn down a Carter Madison grant. Nobody turns down a Carter Madison grant. I mean, I... I know that. I understand that. I do. I mean, if the situation were reversed... Actually no, you know what? No. If the situation were reversed I... would turn the thing down. I wouldn't even consider moving to another continent right now. But I'm not her". It hadn't been the same she knew that, but at one point after George died the situation had been reversed. Okay hers wasn't a Carter Madison grant, it was a job in Cleveland, but Arizona had put her foot down, and told her she was not moving or taking the job. Why? Because she didn't believe in long distance relationships. Just over two thousand, four hundred miles spanned the distance between Seattle and Cleveland, that was nothing to miles that were laid out between them now. They were on completely different continents for crying out loud! It was also using a lot of willpower so she would not cry out loud, biting down hard on her bottom lip, as the burning tears fell down her face.

Callie had stayed, had done as she was told, and had done it willingly. Arizona it seemed hadn't even given it a second thought. She wished she could say she wasn't surprised by the blonde's departure. She guessed she should have been used to it by now, George, Erica, her father, and then Arizona herself. Perhaps she just believed because Callie had given her so much power to hurt her, to break her that she wouldn't use. How wrong she had been. Callie barely took note of her angry, slightly childish rushing to the OR, however saw the towel flick, and couldn't help but remember with a ghost of a smile how satisfying that flick had been.

Arizona's voice filled the room again as it seemed she was explaining further problems with her patient Lily. It was odd because she had known about the blonde's patient, but even when she remembered those days the crew were at the hospital, following them around, she had forgotten all about the young girl. That made her feel so crappy, she hadn't even been supportive about that. Arizona had showered her with congratulations, praise and pride when her arm transplant had gone well; she hadn't even asked her how Lilly was.

There was Webber again going on about Arizona winning the grant. It still made her blood boil, and yet so horrible at the same time. She was proud. So very proud, her girlfriend had won the Carter Madison grant, it was huge! The next voice she could distinguish was Mark's explaining that Callie and Arizona could visit each other. How she had snapped at him. It had been because she knew that wasn't an option. Arizona didn't do long distance relationships. It was all or nothing. It was odd seeing from an outsider's perspective, as she had told everyone to shut up and let her work. She really hadn't thought she had let her emotions show so much. That said, if that was true, how did Arizona not see that hadn't wanted to go?

The next cut away was of Mark, Derek, Owen and her herself joking with each other. In that moment she had meant the jokes and laughs she had meant it all because she had made her decision. She hadn't told Arizona yet, but she had made her decision. She was going with her. She was going to work on her team of surgeons in Africa. It wasn't a decision she made lightly, but she knew it had been the right one. She knew what she was going to be signing on for; she had done time in the Peace Corps. There was no way she could just let her go, she had to be with her, no matter where in the world that was. And yet here she sat not long before 6am before a twelve shift, unable to sleep, completely alone with a steady stream of tears down her face. She wondered briefly if Arizona had seen this yet. Would it be aired in Africa? Would someone like Teddy send it to her? Would she struggle to watch it she like had? Would she sit alone crying in her room while she did it? Probably not.

"Wow I really can't believe it. The big move the Africa is really just around the corner", Arizona's voice sounded so happy. Both of them looked so happy, as blonde put that big pink hat on her head, which in the end she hadn't even taken with her. They looked happy. Callie had been happy, because in that moment she knew or she thought she knew that Arizona and she were back on the right track. Sure she had to move to do it, but they would be okay. She wasn't sure when that happiness stopped, or at least when the sadness and bitterness of leaving everything behind took over. She knew even less when Arizona had noticed she was less than compliant to go. When did she lose that smile that she carried so naturally, as she carried those boxes and bags while talking to the film crew? "It's pretty simple actually, I'm going with her", her voice sounded so confident, so content. She had been confident in her decision; she knew it was the right one. So when did that confidence go? When did she get so mad, at the choice she had made? Actually she knew it wasn't a choice. There was no choice for her, she had to go with the blonde, had to fight for them, she had to keep her. Taking a deep sigh, it hit her, she had lost her anyway. She didn't stifle these tears, or the sobs that fell, but she did quite painfully wipe them away. She had lost the one person she had loved most on the entire planet.

Clicking the button that killed the glaring light streaming from the TV the Latina brunette stood from the make shift bed on the sofa, stretching out all her body's kinks. Collecting a deep red top and a pair of jeans and then underwear and a bra at random from the depth of her lightweight duffel bag, she made her way across Mark's apartment to the bathroom.

Once washed and clothed, Callie simply stared at herself in the mirror above the glass basin, the two cylinder lights set either side of the reflective pane set her face in quick relief. She could see slight bags under her eyes, which pre-make up were considerably larger and darker than they currently appeared. Her new shortened hair was slightly curled and flicked out in a presentable fashion. It was this new feature to her appearance she disliked the most at the moment. At first it was a quick and easy way to move on with her life, she had had long hair for so many years, cutting it was like cutting away her past, cutting out Arizona from it. That feeling didn't last long. Arizona had loved her long hair. Her favourite length had been about 2 inches below the shoulder, and now it barely came to rest on her shoulders.

She missed the blonde. There was no denying it. She had gone through the denial of Arizona leaving, believing once she hit Malawi soil she would realise her mistake and come back. As time progressed this belief became less and less, and then anger at the fore mention Peds surgeon had settled. She was angry she'd left her stranded in the middle of Sea-Tac airport leaving her behind. Now she couldn't lie to herself, and knew she wasn't fooling any of her friends and colleagues. At times Callie flirted with the idea of asking Teddy for any news on the older woman, knowing she was in contact with her. However it was moments like this that her insecurities would strike. What if Arizona didn't mention Callie in correspondences with the cardio surgeon? What if, like Arizona had said before leaving, she was happy there…without Callie?

Tears seemed to glisten in the dark eyes looking back at her. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence in recent weeks, it seemed tears were always trying to fight their way out, it was only when she was alone she let them win. A small knock broke her train of thought, quietly clearing her throat, trying to make her voice sound as even as she could she responded, "Yeah?" Mark's voice sounded muffled slightly by the barrier that was the door as he said, "We're all going to Joe's after work to celebrate Derek's research. Just Owen, Bailey Derek, me and you. You _are_ coming Torres, don't argue!" Mark's tone, while slightly minimised by the wooden door between them, told her there was really no point in arguing. She missed going out with her friends, but on the rare occurrence she had gone with them, someone inevitably mentioned Arizona or just stopped just before saying her name, as if realising just in time that the brunette was there. It didn't matter if they remembered in time or not the effect was just the same, and even when the blonde wasn't mentioned a song would come on that the absent woman liked or that they had danced to while cleaning the apartment on the rare weekends they had off together. Or she'd see a blonde hair woman who looked a bit like the one who was missing, but always was too short, or tall, or too blonde, or didn't have the same smile or eyes, deliberate mistakes in their appearance. These glimpses of the blonde whether it was songs, mentions or look-a-likes, simply reminded her, that Arizona wasn't there. But tonight, she would try get again. Try and be normal, and act as if nothing was wrong, and with that thought she left the bathroom giving Mark what she hoped was an intimidating glare.

Going back over to her duffle bag she pulled out clothes at random until she found a grey short sleeved top, which wasn't too low cut, and a skirt with an attached belt, that was just longer than mid thigh. At least if she was going to go out with normal people, doing normal things, she could look nice while doing it. Slowly jogging around Mark who was waiting for her so they could leave together, she unhooked her shoulder bag from its place beside the door, before stuffing her night time clothes into. Next to go in was her black boot which were just short of being knee length boots, before she toed on her more professional black flats. Turning her head towards her current unlikely roommate she couldn't help but be annoyed, he was clearly wearing what he was going to be wearing when they went out when their shift ended in just over twelve hours time. It annoyed her that men could put on a proper shirt and black pants and still look as if they had tried to make an effort, when woman had to spent god knows how long on hair, make-up, and choosing the correct out fit.

While making a disgruntled noise, which made the man watching say in a confused tone "what?" she turned and pulled on her leather jacket. With a slight sigh, but a smile none the less she replied, "Nothing. Come on lets get this over with." And as both surgeons left the apartment, Callie wouldn't help but think about tonight, and wonder, "What was the worst that could happen?"


End file.
